Final Reflections

As a filmmaker, I am so glad I took 302 experimental over narrative and documentary. I love having free range over whatever I make. The biggest worry I have is not pushing myself to create when no one is giving me at least some parameters to work in. I still worry about how my films are perceived as far as "professional" looks, but I'm still gonna push myself to try and let that go - just keep making whatever it is that I want to make. Doing an installation was incredibly eye opening. That is never something I would have ever thought to have done with film or any other art form, but I had a fully fleshed out idea before we had finished reading the assignment criteria in class. Now knowing what goes into one, I feel like I could potentially make the one I was envisioning. It feels much more tangible. For me it's just a matter of funding, but I am NOT gonna worry about it or let that stop me. The class collaboration project showed me the potential fun and creative value of collaborating for abstract pieces. Between that and the installations the idea to focus on sound was further instilled in me. And I apparently don't really mind self-portraits cause I'm generally not shy about stuff happening in my life. I think a challenge for myself would be to find something that I really don't tell others about, something that to see on film would be shocking to the people that really know me. I'm not sure why but I just thought about going through my old dream journal and making shorts out of my old dreams. The creativity is flowing! And I really do think I have this class to thank for it. I was opened up to so many possibilities of what film can be that I would never have thought of otherwise. 

Marlon Riggs and Martha Colburn Presentations

I am 100% interested in exploring both of these filmmakers' careers. Marlon Riggs' poetry and imagery has such an impact. Especially seeing him in his hospital bed in Black Is...Black Ain't. I certainly can't related to the struggle of people of color, but I definitely know struggles of the LGBTQ community. I appreciate that intersection that he represents and draws attention to in his work. That's something that people still struggle with recognizing still today. Many people separate those two groups when fighting for social justice, but the struggles of each community on their own affect the other. The heart of Riggs' work is so important and inspiring 20 years later.
Martha Colburn threw me for a loop in the best way. I love seeing work that gets made on celluloid, particularly in that collage style. That's the type of work that I would love to try for myself. It just seems so playful and tactile and I love it. And as Marika said in the presentation, it's nice to learn about an artist that is still around and making art. I would absolutely love to see one of her performance pieces or installations in person some day. And as long as I live I will never forget Pug Adventures. 

Self Portrait Reflection

I really didn't have a problem with the idea of making a self portrait. After 495 over the summer I am comfortable putting myself on screen to tell my story. I think what I was most insecure about was the editing and style of the piece. I'm always worried about the quality of the camera I use and my lighting. I feel like it doesn't look "professional," whatever that means. It feels basic in that regard. As far as the editing goes, simple and straightforward edits are what I'm used to from making family videos as a kid. I did use some transitional effects, but I never feel like it's enough. It was definitely hard to believe any positive feedback was genuine. It's only when I show it to people that really get insecure about those things. When I was making it it felt like my creative decisions were the "right" thing to do with the resources I had. I think growing up making films only for family and friends has made it hard for me to make things, or at least feel confident it showing things, for a broader audience. The fun of home movies was the cheap quality of it. It didn't look for feel "professional," and that's what made it fun and entertaining. When I think about showing such work to filmmaker peers it just feels embarrassing. Not being so self-conscious is definitely something for me to work on when sharing my work with others.

Self Portrait Concept Revision

While I still have yet to solidify a formal concept, I have decided to utilize personal concert videos and photos from Facebook to provide visuals and some audio. I also plan to record myself singing a Girl Scout song and maybe a hymn or pagan chant. I still want to use Chinese writing which I may use as subtitles. I do not have a super clear idea of how this will all come together, but I am trying to let the process guide me and see what happens. I want to let myself explore and get weird with it. I don't want to put too many expectations on myself lest I provide a false image of myself.

Instillation Ideas and Contributions

Our group's idea is essentially a big ole feminist protest. So far the plan is to project video from news debates and the like of men using misogynistic speech and/or promoting misogynistic political views. We want to project it onto the van at Jengo's and line the projection's border with pads. All of use will start with duct tape over our mouths. Myself and someone else will be using buckets/pots as drums. We will take the tape off and start drumming and singing pagan chants. I am in charge of deciding those and providing lyric sheets so that others may join in. We also plan on having extra buckets and pans for others to drum along as well. After we start singing, the rest will remove their tape and begin protesting while holding signs with feminist slogans and statements. There will be more signs for others to hold and join in the protest. We are checking with Jengo's if we can have a fire pit to burn bras. If not, we plan on writing statistics and personal anecdotes about the female experience on the bras and hanging them out on the clothes line. All of us will provide pads, used bras, extra pots and pans, and make the protest signs together.

OK Go Presentation Response

I was already familiar with some of OK Go's work, so most of the videos shown I had already seen. Some of the older ones I had not which was really exciting. I am always so impressed with both the creativity and the engineering that goes into their videos. Every time they release a new video I am blown away. What I didn't realize, or I guess not notice in my own time, is that so many of their videos have corporate sponsors. I can certainly understand why they might seek out financial assistance given the scope of these videos, but it was really disconcerting to see an add for Morton's salt of all things at the end of a music video. That aside, the fact that these kinds of experimental videos are so mainstream is truly fascinating. It's not some kind of underground or elitist work that is only available to certain niche crowds. Anyone can open YouTube and watch these crazy visual works. And the fact that the videos have become arguably more creative that a band's music is so bizarre. I continue to look out for more of their work, though. They always impress me.

Self-Portrait Brainstorming

I feel like I have so many ideas and no clue how to synthesis them together to make a coherent piece. I have several ideas as far as subject matter. I've been thinking about: Girl Scouts, studying Chinese and Spanish, traveling, paganism/witchcraft/Unitarian Universalism (so religion), being engaged, any of my fandoms (of which there are many), my various college experiences (as in all of the school's I've attended post-high school), and relationships with friends and family.

As far as film form goes, I would like to have images that overlap and/or move over one another. I've thought about filming myself painting various symbols and images then speeding it up, and perhaps reversing it. For either of those things I could include Chinese characters as overlapping text or something that I paint. I've thought about incorporating family pictures, and recording friends and family either just saying my name or talking about me. I thought about singing a song from Girl Scout camp and/or a chant that might be used in a pagan ritual.

Another overarching thematic element I am considering is the idea of choice. It's something that keeps coming up in my therapy sessions so it's something I think about a lot. If this gets incorporated I could also bring up the struggles of health and taking care of myself physically as someone with depression and anxiety, as well as a total sugar addict.

I am so unsure of what material I should focus on and how best to express it.

1D Reflection

First of all, 1D makes it sound like we're talking about One Direction.

Second, this project made me realize how sound can shape the image. I think as filmmakers and viewers we tend to think of the image as shaping or determining the sound that will accompany it, but you can just as easily do it in the opposite way. (In some ways this could apply to music videos, though many often seem like the visuals are their own thing completely separate from the music. Perhaps that's a challenge for the music video project?) Sound doesn't just shape how we see an image, an image can shape how we hear sound. Take a scream for example. If we see the person screaming drowning, then it's a scream of distress. If we see the same scream coming from someone at a concert, it becomes a scream of fun and engagement. Image and sound can relate to each other in various ways if we let them. 

Cucalorus Reflection

I'm proud of myself for meeting all of my goals. I asked questions at most, if not all, of the screenings I attended. I didn't, however, get to go to the lounge to see if our projects were showing. I thoroughly enjoyed every screening I went to. It didn't occur to me until afterward that everything besides the shorts block was a documentary. Each doc's subject was fascinating to me. While I Breath, I Hope followed South Carolina politician Bakari Sellers during his campaign for lieutenant governor of the state. While he ended up losing the election, he has continued to have a somewhat prominent voice in politics, both on the state and national level. I never understood exactly how much goes into a campaign and it was baffling to see how exhausted Bakari and his team would be. It gave me a greater appreciation for the politicians who genuinely care about their constituents and the work they put in to be able to do that. White Ravens was Georg Kozulinski's film and it was beautifully shot. The nature shots were incredibly serene, and I so appreciate films that seek to document cultures that have been marginalized and/or pushed towards extinction. I have always been fascinated by other cultures and how they are preserved (or not). It was very impactful. The documentary I liked the most was TransMilitary, which follows a few transgender people in the military and how they have been fighting for their right to serve. As someone existing under the trans umbrella and who is engaged to a transgender woman, the message of this film hit home hard. One of the characters, Laila Ireland, was there for the film's Q&A and it was such a treat to get to talk to her and thank her in person. She's no longer in the military but continues to travel and educate people about what it means to be transgender and why our rights are important. The Fiddlehead shorts block was all over the place in such a good way. Seeing Shoot the Duck after hearing about the shoot over the summer was very exciting. Escape the Ninja was a masterpiece, White Chocolate was well made and had a good message, and I really enjoyed The Ape Man cartoon. As a filmmaker I was reminded that there is always an audience for your work, no matter how small or insignificant it may feel to me. I also understand that if I were to have a film play at a festival, I would want people to ask questions. It always felt weird if we sat in awkward silence during the Q&A's. To have people engage with you and your work in person is really valuable and not something every filmmaker gets a chance to do.

Cucalorus Prep

This year at Cucalorus I am seeing the films While I Breath, I Hope, White Ravens: A Legacy of Resistance, Transmilitary, and the Fiddlefaddle short block. I'm also planning to go to the open lounge for a while to mingle and see our classes projects. I am excited to see work by some UNCW professors (White Raven and Shoot the Duck) because we have the opportunity to pick their brains outside of the festival and have more personal discussion about their work. The two features by other filmmakers give me a chance to meet new faces and discuss making films about topics that I am passionate about. I chose the Fiddlefaddle shorts for my shorts block to see Shoot the Duck and other films targeted to/made by kids. I think there's a lot to be learned from children. They're much less concerned about making the "perfect" film and just create. It's something that I struggle with. As far as films made about/for kids, they still have valuable filmmaking lessons to be learned. So many people think that because a story is about/for children that it can't be interesting, but that is far from the truth. I'm challenging myself to ask the filmmakers questions about at least one of the screenings, meet and talk to at least one person outside of the UNCW film department (who isn't the filmmaker of a film I saw), and engage in professional and critical conversation with my fellow students and other attendees. 

Shooting on Film

I haven't used a film camera to take pictures in about 10 years, so it was fun to get to try it again. I took a photography class in high school where I got to shoot and develop the film, and print the picture myself. I'm glad we didn't have to develop this time around cause I don't remember how to do that. But rolling the film out into the camera was such a satisfying feeling. It was also an exercise in shot preparation. With digital cameras you can see the picture immediately and easily make adjustments to take a photo closer to what you want. You can even make adjustments with a computer that creates an image that would/did not exist when the photo was taken. With film you have one shot, more or less, to get the desired image. With a limited amount of film you have to carefully construct every shot before you take it. You have to meticulously calculate every aspect of what will appear in the image since you won't get a chance to simply recreate the image or alter it in the same way as a digital photo. I wish I would have thought things through a tad more when shooting, but I'm still pretty happy with how my photos turned out.

From Arthouse to Microcinema

The conclusion of this article summed up my thoughts while reading the article: that what is one the "fringe" will eventually become mainstream. Though I was thinking a bit further into the notion that people value the arts. And art, or at least an artist, can become popular in the mainstream. But being in the mainstream makes it seem like it's somehow less valuable of an art. At what point does something stop being art? It could be argued that even mainstream cinema produced with the intention of making a profit is art. So why distinguish a theater by whether or not they show "art"? Having said that, I think it is important that independent filmmakers have places for their work to be shown and that there is value in having smaller crowds. To have a place to discuss what you just watched with a small group, complete strangers or not, can be such a valuable experience. It gives you a chance to hear other's perspectives and think more critically about what you just saw beyond whether you thought it was "good". That's my favorite part of my classes here at UNCW, but that experience shouldn't be limited to a classroom.

Presentations: Harry Smith and Maya Deren

Harry Smith:

He seems like a fascinating character. His painted film is absolutely incredible. To have that much detail on such a small canvas is truly impressive. I've always wanted to try painting on a film strip. I've always enjoyed the tactile sensation of painting, and I want the opportunity to use more celluloid. It certainly wouldn't be as detailed as Smith's work, but it's such a beautiful blend of artistic mediums.

Maya Deren:

I loved her focus on the movement of the human body. I've studied anatomy and a minuscule amount of kinesiology, and it is fascinating to see what the human body is capable of. Exploring that in an artistic and surreal way led to some truly beautiful films. Consequently this work exemplifies what film is capable of doing that other mediums are not - capturing movement - which goes to show how much she really utilized the medium.

Light Observations

1: Sharky's

The light source is fluorescent bulbs on the ceiling. The nook with the video game televisions has shadow on the top half of the wall with a soft boundary between the shadow and light. The shadow behind the television sets has crisper edges. The side of the room with the pool tables is brighter than the nook. The only shadows I can see are below the pool and ping-pong tables, and around the televisions on that side of the room. This shadows are softer with blurry edges. The hanging lamps above the pool tables have stripes of bright reflections from the lights above.

2: Living Room at Night

The light sources are orange fairy lights and the glow of the television. The warmth of the the fairy lights contrasts with the cool light of the television screen. The orange light leaves a slight reflection on the leather couch. The television's glow bounces off if the Halloween garland around the TV stand. The shadows are quite faint due to the lack of brightness from the lights. I can see soft shadows of the couch and a box under the coffee table, as well as the TV on the wall behind it. The space enclosed by the desk and the wall is nebulously shadowed with no specific shapes. Looking through the window shades I can see hints of the street lights shining through.

Soundscape 1B

This assignment gave me a whole new appreciation for sound. I know that sound communicates different important messages in film, but I haven't tried to tell a story or communicate a mood with just sound. I was concerned about the soundscape sounding like it had a narrative arc. I think we successfully avoided that but I'm honestly not sure. I had also never really played around with effects for sound in Premiere. It was fun to play around sounds in a way I hadn't before. It got me excited for the possibilities for future projects.

Absolute Film

The idea of "absolute film" is very interesting. I think it's difficult for modern day audiences and filmmakers to really grasp the ability to make something that references no outside sources. I know that's a challenge for me, but I know I'd like my work to have some kind of message. I feel like if there is any message in absolute film it's that art for art's sake is still worth appreciating. I personally view that kind of work as something that plays with aesthetic. The filmmaker is creating an aesthetic rather than a narrative. I know that's something I would like to play with more, though I think using actual celluloid would ease the process and be a lot more fun. It's much more hands-on and nitty-gritty than sitting at a computer. Also, I liked that all of the artists mentioned in the article worked together, or at least in proximity to one another. To me that emphasizes that need for an artistic community to keep you creating and challenging yourself with the medium. I think it's important to have people to work with and/or adjacent to to keep yourself motivated. I know it helps me.

Cymatics and Synesthesia

Cymatics blew my mind. When you think about it, it makes sense that different sound waves would alter matter in some way. I just never thought it would create patterns like that. I would personally describe it as geometric (or mathematical) art. It somewhat reminds me of sacred geometric shapes. The paintings that Melissa McCracken made to show how she processes music was absolutely gorgeous. It really captures how sound can create an image on it's own. I experienced that (though not like McCracken) when listening to the other groups' sounds without knowing their source. It paints a picture based on the listeners frame of reference. The association of sound with image is something that I don't imagine the average person thinks about a lot, but it's so ingrained in us. It's a process that happens so automatically that we have to really think about it to recognize it.

Sound Recording Experience

This was the first time I was excited to do something sound related. The ability to play around was such a treat. My group had a willingness to try whatever we could think of. It was definitely a learning experience in terms of equipment and the struggles of getting clean sound when some factors are out of your control. It was also interesting to listen to other groups sounds without knowing what they are. I know some of the ones I made note of were made by something different than what I wrote down as a guess. That just reinforced in me that foley truly is an art in and of itself. Making one noise sound like another is so fascinating and fun.

Bela Belazs' Thoughts on Sound

I'm not sure I understand his description of silence including the quiet sounds that are unheard if "normal" sounds were occurring. He uses the example of hearing a fly when everything else is silent, almost sounding like the fly's noise is amplified. But doesn't that mean it's not silent? If you can hear a sound when it's "silent" is it really silent?

I agree that image tells us how to interpret sound, or vice versa. It made me think of the music in Halloween. In the scene when Laurie is walking down the street then waits for her friend, even though Michael Myers isn't in frame, isn't scary without the music. Without music it's just a girl walking down the street, smiling when watching the trick-or-treaters. The music adds so much stress and tension to a scene that is otherwise not frightening. (From 28:10-29:10 you can hear the difference with the sound on and with it on mute. I have no idea what the weird jump cut is about in the middle. https://youtu.be/1IOqkHdKyBs?t=28m10s)

I found the idea of sound being linked to space very interesting. I agree with the example about the band in a restaurant. If the characters are in that space, the sound of the band must be audible in some way. But what about sound effects? It is technically part of the diegesis of the film, but if the sound coloring is dependent on where the sound is heard, would it then be linked to the sound studio? Thinking about it now there are some sound effects that are easy to distinguish as ones that were recorded in a studio. Even some dialogue. I'm thinking about Mean Girls when Gretchen, whose face is off screen, says something about Regina's mom's boob job being, "hard as rocks." You can tell she didn't actually say it on the day on set. It sounds distinct from the previous dialogue in the scene. (About 17 seconds in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEQV2OJVBx4)

A Walk to the Car: Sound Observation

Moving away from the Pride celebration, the loud music slowly becomes a mild thump until it completely disappears. My sandals flip and flop on the sidewalk, louder to me because of their proximity. They occasionally make a low pitch scuff when scraping the pavement. When the breeze rolls by the leaves on road lightly scratch its surface, and the bushes briefly rustle as they shake. Cars zoom by, loud and fast. A block away people are outside talking. To me it is quiet and indistinct, a soft, low, mumble. Some voices deep and others lighter. I walk past a water fountain and the consistent flow of the water reminds me of the sounds people play to make someone pee. (That's it, it just sounds like someone peeing in to a toilet at a slower, more relaxed pace.) It's only loud when standing right next to it. In the parking lot, a car pulls in; the rubber tires crunch over the rocks and roughly glide over the pavement.

Observing sound in the shower

I first turn on the bathroom fan which has a consistent, loud drone. The faucet handles let out a high pitch, metallic screech of metal grinding on metal. As the water leaves the shower head it emits a slightly squeal-like noise. The water hitting the bottom of the tub reminds me of a constant rain hitting a window. It has a lower pitch than water as it leaves the shower head, but the water hitting the shower curtain is slightly higher. A small puddle forms around the drain. The water dripping into the puddle is much higher pitched and more sporadic than the water directly hitting the tub. Standing in the shower, the water noises seem just as loud as the fan. As I turn the water off the faucet handles make the same squeaking noise. The few remaining drops of water from the shower head make a quick metallic plink when they hit the tub faucet. As that rolls off the faucet and hits the tub it becomes a slightly deeper thunk. Sliding the shower curtain open on the metal pole creates a tinny ring. The curtain makes a woosh sound. Pulling the towel off the bar and patting myself dry ia so soft and quiet I can barely hear it because of how loud the fan is.

Camper: Avant-Garde and Experimental

I like Camper's approach to characterize these films instead of giving them a hard and fast name. What it's called ultimately doesn't matter. It's those qualities that separate them from the mainstream, that make them subversive and deviant. Of the qualities mentioned, drawing attention to the medium is the one that most interests me. Hollywood editing's goal is be invisible. It's goal is continuity and to not disrupt the audience's immersion into the film. Tossing those rules aside and making bizarre edits across shots that lack continuity completely separates that work from the mainstream. Using actually celluloid film itself would seem to make it easier to call attention to the medium. You can do so many things to a piece of film that have nothing to do with exposing it to light to create an image. You can paint on it, cut it, tape stuff to it like Stan Brakhage's Mothlight. There's no narrative. Just a creator testing the limits of the medium. This is something I'm personally looking forward to exploring. Just raining down on a piece of celluloid and see what happens. I can't wait to see what happens when I break the rules.

EDIT Media

I absolutely loved what this said about diversity in production and in on-screen representation. I'm pansexual and non-binary. There aren't a lot of characters in mainstream film or television that are like me in those respects. Though not explicitly open in the movies, I think the only character I know identifies as pansexual is Deadpool. He's hilarious, but certainly not representative of the community. (I'd prefer if people didn't associate my sexuality with mental illness. Though I happen to have that, too...) Anyway, I would always hope that my unique perspective would be respected on set and I strive to show that respect to fell crew mates. Mainstream film is so insanely white, straight, cisgender, and male. Progress is being made, but we still have a long way to go.

I also agreed with their point that it's important to expose yourself to all varieties of film. I know that's something I can get better at. I particularly feel the need to explore more international film and experimental film. Those are what I was least exposed to growing up. In fact I don't think I ever saw anything in those two categories. Unless you count Harry Potter? My point being I want to see and explore modes of production outside of Hollywood. I don't know that I'd like working there anyway, so it works out, I guess.

Another thing I need to work on that they mention is just making stuff without fear of failure. Everyone wants their all of their work to be a masterpiece. That is insanely unrealistic. In fact, I think most people in the industry know that not all of their work is a masterpiece. I doubt the people making Syfy channel movies think of their films as masterworks. It doesn't mean they can't enjoy it or the process in making them. They're incredibly fun movies in their own way, but they're not winning any Emmy's anytime soon. That doesn't mean it's not worth making.

Amateur

I've read Maya Deren's, "Amateur vs. Professional," before. It continues to give me a kick in the pants about creating. It reminds me that I don't have to wait to have x, y, z equipment or resources to make a film. It doesn't have to be complicated. If you have anything you can use to create, film or otherwise, then use it to create! I have a camera on my phone and computer that I neglect to utilize because I keep fantasizing about having some kind of handheld camera for photography and filming. I have all that I need already! Will it be of Hollywood "caliber"? Of course not. Does that mean it's not worth making? Obviously not. I get so many ideas and then hold myself up by waiting to have a specific tool to express it. I have a specific vision that I feel just can't be executed with out this one specific thing. But I can make something just as worthwhile, even if it's just for myself, with what I have. My passion for making film should not be limited by my insecurities about technology. If I have something to film with, I can make a movie. And I should make movies. And I should stop sitting here writing about it and actually go and do it....

Something resembling a manifesto?

My name is Rory. As a small child I knew I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. It is thanks to the advent of DVDs and their making-of documentaries that I decided I wanted to participate in the magic of movie making. In middle and high school I tried to get into tech theater and computer graphic classes to work towards that goal, but it never worked with my schedule. I fell into foreign languages classes studying Spanish and Mandarin Chinese. I started college studying Chinese. Then I went to massage school. Then I studied business. Then I got an A.A. in general studies. Now I'm here at UNCW finally finishing my bachelor's degree in what I've always wanted to do: film. I want to make work that is cathartic and fun for me, and hopefully at least visually appealing to an audience. Having them experience fun or catharsis is nice, too. I'm learning how to set the "narrative mindset" aside to just let stuff happen as I make film. I want to work independently or with small crews.

I also hope to one day be remembered for my body of work, as well as some prominent bodily feature. Like Man Ray and his eyebrows.