Final Reflections

As a filmmaker, I am so glad I took 302 experimental over narrative and documentary. I love having free range over whatever I make. The biggest worry I have is not pushing myself to create when no one is giving me at least some parameters to work in. I still worry about how my films are perceived as far as "professional" looks, but I'm still gonna push myself to try and let that go - just keep making whatever it is that I want to make. Doing an installation was incredibly eye opening. That is never something I would have ever thought to have done with film or any other art form, but I had a fully fleshed out idea before we had finished reading the assignment criteria in class. Now knowing what goes into one, I feel like I could potentially make the one I was envisioning. It feels much more tangible. For me it's just a matter of funding, but I am NOT gonna worry about it or let that stop me. The class collaboration project showed me the potential fun and creative value of collaborating for abstract pieces. Between that and the installations the idea to focus on sound was further instilled in me. And I apparently don't really mind self-portraits cause I'm generally not shy about stuff happening in my life. I think a challenge for myself would be to find something that I really don't tell others about, something that to see on film would be shocking to the people that really know me. I'm not sure why but I just thought about going through my old dream journal and making shorts out of my old dreams. The creativity is flowing! And I really do think I have this class to thank for it. I was opened up to so many possibilities of what film can be that I would never have thought of otherwise. 

Marlon Riggs and Martha Colburn Presentations

I am 100% interested in exploring both of these filmmakers' careers. Marlon Riggs' poetry and imagery has such an impact. Especially seeing him in his hospital bed in Black Is...Black Ain't. I certainly can't related to the struggle of people of color, but I definitely know struggles of the LGBTQ community. I appreciate that intersection that he represents and draws attention to in his work. That's something that people still struggle with recognizing still today. Many people separate those two groups when fighting for social justice, but the struggles of each community on their own affect the other. The heart of Riggs' work is so important and inspiring 20 years later.
Martha Colburn threw me for a loop in the best way. I love seeing work that gets made on celluloid, particularly in that collage style. That's the type of work that I would love to try for myself. It just seems so playful and tactile and I love it. And as Marika said in the presentation, it's nice to learn about an artist that is still around and making art. I would absolutely love to see one of her performance pieces or installations in person some day. And as long as I live I will never forget Pug Adventures. 

Self Portrait Reflection

I really didn't have a problem with the idea of making a self portrait. After 495 over the summer I am comfortable putting myself on screen to tell my story. I think what I was most insecure about was the editing and style of the piece. I'm always worried about the quality of the camera I use and my lighting. I feel like it doesn't look "professional," whatever that means. It feels basic in that regard. As far as the editing goes, simple and straightforward edits are what I'm used to from making family videos as a kid. I did use some transitional effects, but I never feel like it's enough. It was definitely hard to believe any positive feedback was genuine. It's only when I show it to people that really get insecure about those things. When I was making it it felt like my creative decisions were the "right" thing to do with the resources I had. I think growing up making films only for family and friends has made it hard for me to make things, or at least feel confident it showing things, for a broader audience. The fun of home movies was the cheap quality of it. It didn't look for feel "professional," and that's what made it fun and entertaining. When I think about showing such work to filmmaker peers it just feels embarrassing. Not being so self-conscious is definitely something for me to work on when sharing my work with others.

Self Portrait Concept Revision

While I still have yet to solidify a formal concept, I have decided to utilize personal concert videos and photos from Facebook to provide visuals and some audio. I also plan to record myself singing a Girl Scout song and maybe a hymn or pagan chant. I still want to use Chinese writing which I may use as subtitles. I do not have a super clear idea of how this will all come together, but I am trying to let the process guide me and see what happens. I want to let myself explore and get weird with it. I don't want to put too many expectations on myself lest I provide a false image of myself.

Instillation Ideas and Contributions

Our group's idea is essentially a big ole feminist protest. So far the plan is to project video from news debates and the like of men using misogynistic speech and/or promoting misogynistic political views. We want to project it onto the van at Jengo's and line the projection's border with pads. All of use will start with duct tape over our mouths. Myself and someone else will be using buckets/pots as drums. We will take the tape off and start drumming and singing pagan chants. I am in charge of deciding those and providing lyric sheets so that others may join in. We also plan on having extra buckets and pans for others to drum along as well. After we start singing, the rest will remove their tape and begin protesting while holding signs with feminist slogans and statements. There will be more signs for others to hold and join in the protest. We are checking with Jengo's if we can have a fire pit to burn bras. If not, we plan on writing statistics and personal anecdotes about the female experience on the bras and hanging them out on the clothes line. All of us will provide pads, used bras, extra pots and pans, and make the protest signs together.

OK Go Presentation Response

I was already familiar with some of OK Go's work, so most of the videos shown I had already seen. Some of the older ones I had not which was really exciting. I am always so impressed with both the creativity and the engineering that goes into their videos. Every time they release a new video I am blown away. What I didn't realize, or I guess not notice in my own time, is that so many of their videos have corporate sponsors. I can certainly understand why they might seek out financial assistance given the scope of these videos, but it was really disconcerting to see an add for Morton's salt of all things at the end of a music video. That aside, the fact that these kinds of experimental videos are so mainstream is truly fascinating. It's not some kind of underground or elitist work that is only available to certain niche crowds. Anyone can open YouTube and watch these crazy visual works. And the fact that the videos have become arguably more creative that a band's music is so bizarre. I continue to look out for more of their work, though. They always impress me.

Self-Portrait Brainstorming

I feel like I have so many ideas and no clue how to synthesis them together to make a coherent piece. I have several ideas as far as subject matter. I've been thinking about: Girl Scouts, studying Chinese and Spanish, traveling, paganism/witchcraft/Unitarian Universalism (so religion), being engaged, any of my fandoms (of which there are many), my various college experiences (as in all of the school's I've attended post-high school), and relationships with friends and family.

As far as film form goes, I would like to have images that overlap and/or move over one another. I've thought about filming myself painting various symbols and images then speeding it up, and perhaps reversing it. For either of those things I could include Chinese characters as overlapping text or something that I paint. I've thought about incorporating family pictures, and recording friends and family either just saying my name or talking about me. I thought about singing a song from Girl Scout camp and/or a chant that might be used in a pagan ritual.

Another overarching thematic element I am considering is the idea of choice. It's something that keeps coming up in my therapy sessions so it's something I think about a lot. If this gets incorporated I could also bring up the struggles of health and taking care of myself physically as someone with depression and anxiety, as well as a total sugar addict.

I am so unsure of what material I should focus on and how best to express it.